Conversation With Myself

Me: "Damn, i really f'd that one up..."

MyMind: "What happened?"

Me: "This big problem at work.  i went against what i know, and made it worse."

MyMind: "Well did you fix it?"

Me: "Yes. I finally relied on MyInstincts, and i fixed the problem."

MyInstincts: "It was about time, retard."

Me: "Shutup.."

MyMind: "So if everything is cool, why you sweating it?"

Me: "Cuz, i really wanted to make a big impression to the head honchos, but i ended up looking like an idiot in front of them..."

MyMind: "Since when have you cared what everyone else thinks?"

Me: "Well, when those people have your job in their hands, you might want to look like you have some kind of value."

MyMind: "Ok, so you made one mistake, big deal?  You're a hard worker and you always do your best.  That's all anyone could ask of you.  And if that is not good enough for them and they let you go - it will be their loss, not yours..."

Me: "You're somewhat right... but i'm starting to get tired of hearing that!"

MyHeart: Yea... me, too.

always, kev...

P.S.:  i have a bunch of open letters to these girls on hard copy, but i have not grown the cajones to post them up on here.  So i apologize for delay...

New Series... yay?

So amidst everything that has happened i've come up with several theories, and possible conclusions.  one of them is that i don't think i can be a good enough boyfriend to anyone...

Please don't try to argue with me, it's my current belief and let me feel how i feel it...

With that said, i think i'm going to start a new series on here, in attempt at some self-therapy and revelation.  So being that i don't think i'll get to be a good boyfriend to anyone anytime soon, I plan to take random girls, both imaginary and girls i see every now and then, and write them each a letter.  i'll begin the letter with, "If i was your boyfriend...".  And then hopefully end it with something that i can assume is "good boyfriend material".  and if it's not... well then my theory becomes a conclusion. 

So in some lame way of trying to prove myself to, well, myself... i hope to figure myself out, once again. It's my "catharsism" (shameless "The Office" plug, right there)

and as readers, you all get to scratch your head to figure out why you're reading a bunch of crap...

but then again, i can add that to the list of things that hasn't changed since i last wrote...

always, kevo...

Here we go again...

Once you learn to love yourself, i wish you would promise to love me next.

always, kev...

Dear Xanga,

i really don't write much anymore.  it's kinda sad.  So sad that i forgot our aniversary.  And as i look back on the entries i've wrote in the past year, it hasn't been much.  For this, i'm sorry.  But just so you know, i want to get back into the habit again.  I think we had it good. You were there for me when i needed you and i thank you for that.  But like all relationships, i don't want it to be where i only count on you when i "need" you.  Although, i contradict myself when i say that currently a lot of things have been circling my mind, and these are the types of things that only can be handled through the wonders for blogging now, unfortuantely, this is the case.  So don't fret, i'll be back soon... and hopefully stay around for a while.

anywho, here are the entries from the past year that i hold close to my bosom... because i have tits - and they're big:

"Why i might just sit there and just start laughing or just smile..." -03.23.04

"When I read books, I highlight the passages..." - 03.24.04

"Dear ExGirlfriend#2," - 04.04.04

"ThingsIWouldLikeInAChick Log 007" - 04.07.04

"My Spin Cycle" - 04.19.04

"Tupperware™" - 05.14.04

"Dear SoulOfMyBestFriend," - 06.08.04

"ThingsIWouldLikeInAChick Log 010" - 06.15.04

"Addendum to: Dear ExGirlfriend#2," - 07.14.04

"... and that's perfectly fine with me." - 10.13.04

"Ever since i can remember, i don't know how to cross my eyes." -11.29.04

"Dear BrokenHeart," - 01.15.05

and just in case you're curious (which i know, you're not), here's last years list. (funny how it's smaller than this years)

always, kevin...

PS:  and there was this and this.  Not particularily my favorites, but just a reminder what i had to go through last year... just in case you forgot that the drama you have now, isn't really all that bad.

PPS: thanks for being a welcomed stalker in my life over the past year and reading my crap!

PPPS: happy birthday vita!

Why i like other days, besides yesterday, just the same.

being that i've so far spent all of my day replying to messages and emails sent to me in view of my birthday... shows how many caring friends i have - something i can definately appreciate.  so thanks...

they say after turning 21, birthdays just aren't as good as they used to be; that it's all downhill from there.  I'm glad to say that it's defintely not like that with me... only because having friends and family, like you all, make it that way.  so thanks...

whether it be being there with me in spirit and/or whole on my birthday at sanibel, orlando, miami, near or far, on the phone, or on silly internet sites like xanga... turning 22 will be a moment, consisting of moments brought to me, by people like you, that i'll never forget.  so thanks...

not just yesterday, but thanks for being a part of my life all the days i've known you.

always, kevin...

PS: note to self - do not eat bbq ribs while being on the computer.